I Rode

You read that right, I finally got to ride again.  I had a doctor's appointment last Friday.  I only see my doctor every two months now so I figured I might as well ask him although I was expecting his answer to be no.  I was surprised.  He actually said yes.  I can only walk on her for now and I can work up to doing more. 

So on Saturday my mom and I went out.  We caught Socks, who was actually kind of weird from the start, and my mom saddled her up.  My mom held her at the mounting block while I got on, very awkwardly, and walked beside us for the first lap.  There was a lesson with two people going on in the arena at the same time so she couldn't stay in with me, but she stood at the gate watching.

And now for the reason I've been avoiding writing this post for a few days, it was terrifying and horrible disappointing.  I didn't hesitate getting on Socks because I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to do it.  I've spent so much time in the past four months telling myself it wasn't the horse's fault (which it wasn't, I truly believe that) it was an accident.  I kept telling myself that I'd be fine on Socks, I didn't fall off of her, we've been partners for nine years and she'll take care of me. 

It couldn't stop the horrible anxiety I felt.  I honestly could barely breathe.  I had to focus on breathing and trying to calm myself down.  I thought I'd get better once I actually started to ride.  It just got worse.  I made myself stay on her but I was ready to get off after one lap. 

Socks was as great as I could hope for, but it was obvious she was picking up on my anxiety, although I think everyone in the barn could feel how nervous I was.  She kept herself either pressed up against the wall so my leg dragged against, or ten feet away from it.  She didn't shake her head or try to trot, she just wasn't going to walk right where I wanted her to. 

In a way, that actually helped me a little bit.  It annoyed me and it forced me to get strict with her and get her to walk where I wanted.  I actually forgot about being terrified for a second and focused on her.  It didn't last, but at least I know I can do it.  And my right arm, the broken arm, is so weak.  I tried to ride a lap holding my reins in my right hand and I couldn't do it, it was too weak to hold up for that long. 

I wore a splint on my arm, just to give a little extra support.  I don't think I will next time because taking off the splint was actually much more painful than riding was.  I also talked to my physiotherapist about it and he didn't feel that I would need to wear it.

On Thursday we'll be going back out and barring any more pain than usual, I'll be riding again.  I'm really nervous for it, because our stable owners will be back and will most likely be at the barn, as will most of our barn friends, if this is like any other Thursday.  It's stupid, but I am actually nervous about having people watch me ride.

All this said, I know one day I'll be able to ride her without being terrified.  I will keep getting back on her until I'm not afraid.  I hope it won't take too long, I don't want to subject Socks to my fears any longer than I have to.

Also, I said actually way too many times in this. 

Such a Patient Pony

I won't lie, I'm a little hesitant to post this.  There are many opinions out there in the horse world and I know some people won't agree with this, but since this is a blog about what I'm doing with Artemis, I felt I should put it in here anyway.

I honestly had no intention of putting a saddle on her when we went out, it was one of those things that just kind of happened.  I was sick so I wasn't going to ride and instead just work with Artemis.  I'm still not really sure how, but somehow this ended up happening.

This is the first time she's ever had a saddle on.  And yes, my english saddle is very light.  She didn't have it on for very long, I led her around the arena a bit with it on and then right before I took it off I took these pictures.  This also doesn't mean she's going to have it put on her everytime I see her.  During this next year I'm planning on getting her used to saddles on her back and all that good stuff, but I have the whole next year to do that.  I'm not planning on cramming it all in the first few months.  She'll also only have the english saddle on her in the beginning because it's the lightest of all the saddles we own.  It'll be a while before she gets my western saddle put on her.

Anyway, now that I have that out of the way, let me talk about her.  She was perfect.  She surprised me yet again.  I put the blanket on her, and she was fine.  I put the saddle on her and she just looked at it and went back to licking the wall.  She did stamp her back foot a bit when she felt the girth tighten around her belly but then she stood perfectly still.  She didn't do anything when I led her around with it, not even when I let the stirrups down and they were bumping into her sides.  In fact, she thought the stirrups were the tastiest things in the world and kept trying to eat them.

The girth is a bit too big for her.  It keeps the saddle in one place on her while we walk and stand but I wouldn't want to go any faster than that.  I kept my hand on the saddle whenever she walked. 

I am very proud of her, she's the calmest horse in the world, I swear.  My mom was riding while she was being led and then M came in with Artemis' boyfriend, Zanza.  Artemis got a little wide-eyed at that but after she smelled him, tried to bite him and then tried to eat his bridle she ignored him. 

One thing I have to say this really made me think about...I can't believe people actually ride babies.  You see ads on Craigslist all the time of people riding horses that don't look any older than Artemis.  I couldn't imagine actually getting on her anytime soon.  I mean, we lean on her and I've stood on the mounting block above her...but there is no way I could get on her.

My next step with Artemis is to get her used to being in the arena while other horses, not Socks and Jimmy, are being ridden.  I'm just trying to figure out which boarders would be good to ask, since a lot of them think being in the arena with Artemis means she will eat and kill them.  For the most part Artemis and I will just be focusing on ground work like usual, and every now and then she'll get to play dress up.