Mental Health Break

I was having a bad day today.  While not a bad week, I've had a busy, stressful week and it got to me today.  Then, problems with a certain person just made everything worse.  I was in such a foul mood, my cat kept alternating between head butting me and hiding.  I haven't been out to the barn all week because I've been so busy, and man, did I ever need to go out today.

K and I went out together.  We caught Socks and Tango and K suggest we have a lazy day and go bareback.  I hesitated at first because it's been two and a half years since I rode bareback, but then I remembered this was Socks and she'll be fine.  She was.

We went for a ride off the farm, just exploring nearby roads and (unintentionally) scaring cows.  It was fun.  All we did was walk but my mood improved immediately.  Socks was perfect, she was having a great time so I had a great time. 

When we got back to the stable we went in the outdoor to do some trotting.  This made me realize two things.  First, my confidence is just non-existent.  I've been slowly realizing that lately but how hesitant I was to get back on bareback and then how hesitant I was to trot bareback, was kind of a slap in the face.  When Socks was at my dads, during the winters I only rode bareback.  We'd go galloping through the snow, having a blast. 

It's to be expected I guess, I did have a pretty bad fall.  And that's why I'm hesitant, it's not that I'm afraid of riding, I'm afraid of getting hurt again.  Maybe it would be better if my arm still wasn't in near-constant pain.  I don't actually feel like I'm healed because it still hurts all the time and when I do anything, riding, walking through crowd, working, my first thought is always if it's going to hurt me more.

The second thing I realized, I can ride.  Okay, I know that sounds conceited but I'm not saying I'm an Olympic-level rider, or even a good rider.  I just realized that I'm not completely horrible, I can stay on a horse (for the most part) and I should relax a little.  I started trotting around Socks, weaving in between the jumps, having a blast, and it made me realize that my lack of confidence is a little unwarranted.  I stopped worrying about falling off and I think I actually rode better. 

K cantered Tango a bit and though I wanted to, even with my new revelation, I couldn't.  Not yet.  But I think that's a good goal for me.  I have no problems loping or galloping with a saddle, and I never used to have a problem loping bareback, but I was way too nervous to today.  I think it would probably be good for me to do it again.  Socks is fine, it's not her, it's me.

Anyway, moving on from my insecurities.  Before we left, we went down with L to visit Artemis.  Man she was glad to see us.  She came right over to us, Ebony at her side, and enjoyed the attention for a while.  Then L wanted us to see if Artemis would follow us.  She ran over to the gate and Artemis followed her.  L wanted us to try and see if Artemis would run after us if we ran away.  K ran first, away from the gate towards the creek.  Artemis followed her a few steps and then stopped.  L ran next and Artemis just watched.

When it was my turn I ran and in about half a second, I heard hoof beats behind me.   I looked behind me (which is hard to do when you're running through mud) and there she was, loping after me.  She followed me, staying a few feet behind me, all the way to the creek.  When I stopped, she stopped a little bit behind me.  I have to say, that felt good.  Any bit of negativity left in me vanished.  She followed me away from the gate and was respectful about my space. 

She hung out, following behind us as we visited with the other horses, and then followed us back up to the gate.  She was dying to come with us, she's like her mom, the two of them are happiest when they get worked.  I know many people would disagree with that and say horses don't like to work, but honestly, I find they both get sour when their left to their own devices.  I don't mean they get a little wild, I mean it's like they're in a bad mood.  They get cranky and unhappy when they're not worked with.

This day was exactly what I needed and my horses couldn't have been anymore perfect.  Even Jimmy was awesome the short minutes I was with him.  He nickered when he saw me.  Okay, who am I kidding, he nickered for the handful of grass I had.  But still, he was good.

So as an ending note, hopefully starting next week, Socks and Artemis are going to switch places for a while.  Socks will go out into the pasture and Artemis, providing she and Tango get along, will come up into the pens.